Pagos: The Power of Intention
Every time I return to Mexico to apprentice with the Mazatec family, there’s a ritual that happens before any ceremony begins. We meet at the base of a mountain and begin the climb in silence. The path winds through mist and moss, past tiny shrines tucked into the rocks and places where people have been leaving offerings for generations.
At the top, there’s a small clearing which the family calls the portalito (the little portal). Here, before we touch the medicine, before we sing the first prayer, we make Pagos.
We spread a blanket and gather flowers, seeds, tobacco, a few drops of mezcal, sometimes a handful of cacao, or a strand of hair. Each item carries a prayer and a promise to give back before we receive. One by one, we place our offerings on the earth, whispering words only the mountain and our hearts can hear.
This act, Pagos, is more than just a gesture. It’s the way the Mazatec enter into relationship with the unseen. The word itself means “payment,” but not in the way we think of paying a bill or buying something. It’s a spiritual offering, a way of saying thank you for what has already been given and what will soon be revealed. It’s a reminder that the medicine is not a commodity, and the ceremony is not ours to control. Instead, it reminds us that we are guests in a much larger mystery.
Every time I kneel on that mountain, I feel the same thing - humility. The kind that softens the ego and opens the heart. I remember that what we’re about to do is not a performance, not a high, not even a healing in the usual sense. It’s communion with the land, with spirit, and with the parts of ourselves we’ve long forgotten to love.
The Mazatec see the mushrooms (niños santos, the “holy children”) as living beings. You don’t take them; you meet them. You approach them with deep respect, just as you would approach an elder or a teacher. They believe that the relationship begins before you even enter the ceremony. It begins with your Pagos, which is your willingness to give before you ask to receive.
Over the years, this teaching has changed how I hold ceremonies and how I live my life. I used to think of intention as a list of goals: what I wanted to heal, what I hoped to see, and what breakthrough I was chasing. However, the Mazatec helped me view intention differently. They see it as an offering of energy and a vibration that announces your readiness to the universe. When your intention is clear, the medicine knows where to go.
Intention is the current that carries you through the unknown. It gives shape to your experience without controlling it, just like the riverbanks that hold the water as it moves. When you come to a ceremony with a clean heart and a sincere prayer, the work tends to flow with grace. The same is true when the experience becomes turbulent, which it sometimes does. Your intention becomes an anchor. It reminds you why you came, and what you’re here to surrender to.
Before each retreat, I ask participants to spend time with their own Pagos. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it does need to be real. Write a letter to the medicine. Offer a flower, a song, or a breath. Spend a few hours in silence, or whisper your gratitude into the earth. Ask permission from the land and listen for a response. The most powerful Pagos you can make is your willingness to let go of expectations, of control, and of how you think the journey should look.
When I come down from that mountain after making Pagos, I always feel lighter. My body hums with a quiet readiness, like something deep inside has already begun to shift. By the time the first song begins that night, the ceremony is already in motion, for truthfully, it started the moment I said yes to the climb.
This December, I’ll be holding a Winter Solstice Group Journey to honor the longest night and quietly welcome the return of the light. In the deep stillness of winter, we are invited to turn inward and let the darkness become our teacher. Together, we enter the fertile void — the sacred space between endings and beginnings — where unseen life quietly stirs. Here, we listen for what longs to be released and what is ready to emerge, not in isolation, but in the warmth of shared presence and heart medicine.
Just as the Mazatec climb the mountain to make Pagos, we too will bring our own offerings of prayers, presence, and our willingness to meet ourselves fully. Through guided inner journeying, seasonal ritual, reflection, embodiment, and connection, we are invited to slow down, soften, and listen. In community, we will gather to explore the rich interior landscape that only reveals itself in darkness.
If you feel called to this work, I invite you to join us December 21, 2025, at the Boulder Canyon Retreat Center. Bring your prayers, your curiosity, and your Pagos. The land will meet you where you are and carry you where you’re meant to go.
